Thursday, January 20, 2011

35 and marching drum corps?

This whole turning 35 and deciding to march drum corps again after a 3 year hiatus is really getting to me.  Not only will I be the oldest female marching in the ENTIRE drum corps, I will be the only one over the age of 30.  Most, if not all, of the women will be in high school and college, and none older than say, 25.

I know that age is only a number, and I'm in some of the best shape of my life, can march and play circles around most, if not all of them, but deep down there is a niggling itch of doubt.

I'm thinner now than I was when I finished the 2007.  I'm not smoking anymore, and have found air and lung capacity I never knew I had.  Sean dubbed me "Laura Lungs" this past weekend.  I can find air and expand my lungs like never before.  I started smoking at age 21 (1997), and marched all those years smoking at least a pack a weekend.  By 2007 it was 2 packs a weekend.  How I marched, played, was nearly 190 lbs, ate like shit, AND had a solo that season is beyond me.  I have no idea how I got through it.  And I almost didn't in finals as I ran out of air and was close to passing out during my solo.  I ended up chipping one note because I didn't have the support to hit it.  I'll never forgive myself for that.  It's one note, and to the untrained would go unnoticed, but I know I fucked up.  I never wanted to let any one of my fellow Caballeros down, past or present.

Moving on.

Now that I'm healthy and in better shape (not the best, but better) I should be able to blow down a building with my air, march over it without breaking a sweat, and play a solo with all the ease and grace of a true Caballero.

Self loathing is a futile game.  I don't hate myself, my looks, my body, my mind, or my soul.  What I do hate is the cold, not having a tan, being stuck in the house, not having anyone to walk or run with, and just plain being lonely day in and day out.  I need a project.  Better, I need WORK to come in so I have something to do.

Here's to the next phase and starting again.




  1. Make a plan, and follow it. That simple. You just have to make the decision to DO it and stop talking about doing it.

  2. Wait.. really?! None of the women in Cabs is older then me?! Oye...